the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
