you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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