Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
