Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
