We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
