Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
