I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
