I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
