You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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