um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
