Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
