last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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