i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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