when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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