someone threw a dead crab at me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
