I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My balls are so social today.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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