I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
