Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
