Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
