Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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