My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
