did you get engaged???
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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