You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
