I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
