There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
