dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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