oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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