last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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