I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
