i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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