I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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