I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
