Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am one with the molecules
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
