I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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