Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I love you.
Bad choice
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
