His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
