honey bunches of taint.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
