38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
