i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
