I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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