Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
