YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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