I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
