There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
