She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
