My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
