I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
