we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
