in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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