So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
