I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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