that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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