What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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